Mark Kaigwa

Posts Tagged ‘Chuck Norris’

Father Chuck Norris had many sons e.g. Tiger Power!!!

In Ramblings on January 30, 2009 at 12:54 pm

“Had many sons…Had many sons.. So Father Chuck Norris I am one of them and so are you… ”

You know about Tiger Power? You’d better, lest he let’s you know about him. Then we’ll have known about you.

He is, in my opinion, one of the greatest and manliest men any Kenyan ever knew. Ha, Chuck’s so invincible. The only guy I know personally who fought Bruce Lee, that’s serious, and he’s still around. Anyway here are some classic Chuck Norris quotes, and just in case it crossed your mind the answer is yes, Chuck does all my stunts. Here they are:

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

-What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.

-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Long live Chuck Norris. I wish we had our own Chuck Norris, this inexorable figure that everyone just seems to almost idolize (idolatry is bad, no really) so it’s the most sincere form of flattery you can find.

Which brings me back to my original question ‘You remember ‘Tiger Power’? Sure you do! Imagine him lying down, in his wear-it-every-time-but-it-never-gets-dirty-or-smelly costume of an almost skintight red top and grey sweat-pants, don’t forget his leather I-go-to-the-gym-and-I-don’t-got-abs-but-i-got-a-good-belt! I’m not hating, I wore the belt also – briefly-, so I know. Anyway one of his signature moves, or set-pieces if you will, was him getting run over by a tractor. By tractor I mean a Massey-Ferguson tractor, and I’m talking about the back wheels. Oh, wait, no…that’s not right. It was a Land-Rover, yes, a Land Rover. In forward and reverse. Consecutively. Don’t worry, I was eventually able to pick my jaw off the grass after I saw it the first time.

Now, I wasn’t the greatest follower of Mr. Power, and my recollection is subject to embellishment and misdirected facts but I know one thing, Mama said eat your greens or I’m calling Tiger Power.

He was many things to us, including chosen son of Chuck Norris. In the same way the President of the U.S. has an indelible link with Kenya, it was chosen before time that through Chuck Norris, we would have a connection to the U.S. through Tiger Power.

He was actually the Kenyan version of Santa, think about it. A Santa. A Chuck Norris. A Santa who can fight. I know if Chuck was Santa he’d have werewolves for deer and a Ghost-Rider inspired chariot. I digress, moving on though, where did this generation of strong Santa-like Kenyan Chuck Norris-lings go? Anyway, he was an icon, and it didn’t matter how bad you were to your parents, if you went to the show, or to one of these random events and he happened to be there and do a set-piece, he always had some time he’d get the kids all around him and give them a word. The kids listened.

Their glazed-over eyes peeled, and ears enlarged, lapping up his words amidst his paced breathing thanks to his previous stunt, and “Tiger Power says…” was all they needed to hear. Come to think of it, Tiger Power was more than just a Chuck Norris-ling Santa-like. He had to have some Mr. T DNA inside him. Yes, that’s it. Mr. T.

Ok, so what do we have here. The affectionate heart and ticklish belly of a Santa, the clout (in every sense of the word) of a Chuck Norris, and all the menace of a ticked off Mr. T. It Makes me teary eyed if you ask me. I feel like I’ve painted the perfect picture of the Mona Lisa, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Tiger Power was like an idol, a Kenyan youth/manly man idol. Middle aged men wanted to be him, kids wanted to sit on his shoulders as he walked (One on each shoulder because he’s strong and balanced like that) and mother’s wanted him to be head disciplinarian of the household.

He was the answer to the Orie Rogo Manduli derived phrase ‘Total Woman.’ He was the ‘Total Man’

What were your fond/ not so fond memories of Tiger Power? Let me know.