Mark Kaigwa

A letter to My future self…

In History's Future, Real Talk on January 26, 2008 at 9:13 pm

There is what I have learned to be as ‘safe’. A secure job, a decent house, a decent wife, a pretty ordinary life.
Yet this doesn’t appeal to me. Not in the least, the mere mediocrity of this life chasing after the wind only to leave all that you gain for the next man to enjoy. Someone said this is what’s know as a mid life crisis. You realise you worked, you struggled, you did what you weren’t necessarily passionate about to gain something only to wonder “Why?”

But Im not even out of my teens and I refuse to let myself spend two years finishing the secure ‘first degree’. I would rather do something I really want to do. But recently I posed the question, Whether my friends are merely doing something that which has good financial ramifications as opposed to their passion what they dreamed doing. But now the realisation that dawned on me was that even if you DO follow what you want to do, then that’s just it; your doing what YOU want to.

Now I acknowledge I am beautifully and wonderfully created by a greater Supreme Being The Lord God, and He must have some sort of purpose to why I’m here. Should I spend my life exploring that?I don’t know, I guess they call it a mid-life crisis with good reason. But I stand at the crossroads from which I will look back in years to come, read this and understand what it was I was writing about. The only reason I write like this is because I know it exists in me, not in my DNA, but in my Spirit, in my Soul. I might confine the visions of my soul to words, but that’s all I know. I once defined myself as a lazy visionary simply because of the vivid images of a future I possibly couldn’t achieve because of my worldly laziness…

Bt my purpose has got to be greater than to merely achieve accolades that my peers applaud and envy (no disrespect guys, but there’s more) and this is the journey I have embarked on. I am about to study music, for I feel the passion to create and express myself (more than any other passion).But for me, it’s futile if it only exists for the mere recognition of man and his constant approval; for nothing could be more fickle than to entrust your gladness and esteem on the see-saw that is human emotion.

If asked my dream it would be something close to the way to help those around me in the most profound way I can. By saying this what I must accept from the off is that the most ‘profound’ way is not profound by the standards I am used to. It isn’t in the recognition and the hurrahs and cheers in a spotlight but under the shadow of humility. It is in the smallest most ‘unnoticeable’ things that only a Soul could speak of. Therein lies the dream of my soul. By living in a way that speaks more than this mind could put into words, by being the salt, and not the honey of the world. To ‘be’ not for me, but for you. To live not so as to prove something to my peers, but to enable those around me to live as closely to their creator as possible.

The words I write here are… merely words, if I don’t have the guts to live the way I speak then it I meaningless. For it is in first embarking on the journey to greatness that we get the words to express how it is we achieved greatness. I must first conquer the ever present human inclination to stagnate, exist, let sleeping dogs lie, ‘not burst the bubble’, live within this comfort zone that will eventually strangle us of all creative and expressive air. I know what I really mean to tell you. It is an emotion I am trying to express with words rather than actions. I will never suceed in that respect, but what I wish from you is patience. Be patient with me because by God, I wish to dedicate myself to Him and in the smallest way impact your life to have an idea of how much He loves you, and how much more I must try to do so, because I know this…

God Bless You…


  1. deepness!!

  2. Thnks 4 inspiring me in tht ‘small’ way. Bless u:)

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